I've been feeling lots of extreme emotions lately.
Satisfaction at the completion of a hard assignment.
Confusion in the midst of several changes at work.
Feelings of low morale at work while our uppermost administration makes some changes. One co-worker said it best, "The administration doesn't trust us, and we don't trust the administration." There is currently a chopping block set up and it feels as if most any one's head is on it.
Frustration with school and one of the classes' assignments. They don't seem to make sense. They also don't seem to show respect to all sides. As a believer in Jesus Christ, my flesh is frustrated when the world wants and demands respect from all, but does not give it to all...and Christianity and Christians seem to draw the short straw continually. I am aware the Bible talks about this, prepares us for it even, but that does not make it easy.
Loneliness...I'm struggling for community. A friend hurt my feelings pretty deeply several months ago. I'm not sure how to solve it...or if it's 'solvable' and if it is, what to do about it. It seems as if everyone is living a life that doesn't include me. I know that's not the case and at the moment maybe I'm having a pity party, but the hurt is there. Tears are welling up as I type this and since I'm not a crier, I'm not sure how to handle that.
Sadness...a good friend of mine is hurting deeply due to situations completely out of her control. And I hurt for her. I know prayer is powerful. I've seen its results...lived them...believe in them. But I want to do something more than pray and I just don't know what to do.
Overwhelmed. Grad school is kicking my tail. I know it's over soon. I get that. But it's not over right now. And it's not just the semester of classes, but the Comprehensive Examination I have to take in the middle of October before I am eligible for graduation. UH stinks when it comes to anything administrative and I constantly feel behind the curve when it comes to being prepared.
Loss and transition...my assistant principal is moving to Fort Worth. She's already gone most days of the week, usually in school one or two days every other week. She's officially gone in December. She is the glue that keeps our school running. Don't think I haven't thought about following her!
Drowning...the medical bills have started in again. I sat down to pay bills last night and quickly felt as if I didn't know which way was up. I've had to stop saving money, because those funds are needed to pay bills. I've never had debt before and do not like how this feels.
Like I said...extreme emotions...and none of them have been very good. I'm frustrated, confused, overwhelmed and feel as if I don't really have an end in sight. Not true, I realize, but my feeling nonetheless.