An Evening at Home Means a Conundrum

Clearly, it's been a busy few weeks! ;)

My parents are always willing to help out and I asked them to have fun with my little one at their house, so I could have a few hours of absolute downtime.  My plan was to lay on the couch and watch DVR, I mean, I was going to go all out lazy!  But when Dad came to pick her up, he also dropped off an organizer I'd bought on Saturday that Mom and Dad had tweaked for me.  That meant, I had a conundrum.

I seriously sat on my couch for 24 minutes and thought about what I should do.

Should I rest?

Should I clean out my closet and organize?

Should I get a handle on the toys and clothes in her closet?

Should I rest and then organize?

Should I organize and then rest?

I finally decided to head to the closet.  I'd been wanting to do it for awhile and having the organizer was a blessing!  I folded up sweaters and sweatshirts and long sleeve tees and jackets and they are now neatly organized and out of the way.  I cleaned out VHS movies that I'd been holding onto for sentimental reasons I guess.  I threw away a bunch of hangars.  I have a couple of items for Goodwill.  I even have two pockets of the organizer that aren't full!  Plus side pockets to hold accessories!  All my purses went to the shelf that used to hold the VHS.

I still need to clean out the cookbooks and face facts that the new red shoes hurt my feet and I don't ever wear them, but for the most part, my closet is organized.

Little Bit's closet organization will be for another time.  We have a meeting soon where I will find out a lot more information, so I'm waiting until then before doing anything major.  But, I'm pretty sure that closet will be getting this organizer shelf, too.  It's fantastic!

After I cleaned out my closet, I headed down for the DVR.  I still wasn't sure what to do with myself.  One thing about single parenting is that it's pretty difficult to run errands, especially if I have a late night hankering for _______________.  I mean, that's just not going to happen.  Now's my chance!  Ice Cream!  Chuy's!  Chili's!  The sky's the limit!

I wasn't hungry.

Can you believe my luck?

I did watch Pioneer Woman and the beginnings of a Criminal Minds re-run.

It was weird.  It was like I didn't know what to do with myself.

I went and picked her up and helped out my parents with a couple things around the house.  When we came home, and snuggled in "our" chair for stories and prayers before bed, things felt right again.

Don't get me wrong.  I enjoyed the little time a part, but it was good to reunite, too.

Being an Adult: Budgeting for a House

I have wished to buy a home for a very long time.  I've tried 3 times, once seriously moved through the process of making an offer.  It's never worked out.  It's never been the right moment.

I haven't ever actually had the finances for buying.  Realtors and Brokers and even friends have told me, "You don't have to have a down payment.  Now is the time to buy.  Do it!"

Except, cash is necessary for buying a house.  And not having a down payment is flat out stupid.

20% of the final price is the wisest down payment to have.  That means AT LEAST 20,000.  30-40 is probably closer to accurate.  Closing costs are another $3-4,000 and of course there is decorating and then furniture needed for a larger space and moving expenses, etc.  It adds up fast!

Um, yeah, I'm a teacher.  I can't just cut back here and there and have 30-40k saved up.  It takes awhile.

My goal is to purchase a home by the time I'm 35.  That's in two years.  I'm not changing my goal, but I'm not sure it's realistic either.  However, I'm working hard to make it happen!  Pedicures are now only via gift certificate (hint, hint, if you need a gift for me!)  Movies will be the dollar theater and restaurants are via gift card or a place where a little one can play.  (More good gift ideas!)  I'm constantly looking for free activities for a little one and I to participate in and we're learning to love some play days at home with a friend coming over to play.  The library has been great and we're looking forward to story time there this week!  I'm not just cutting back, I'm also working hard to increase my income.  I'm tutoring twelve students this summer and would love to add another Baking Class of two kiddos if I found someone interested.  I have one student for sure lined up for fall, and I think two of my summer kiddos will continue as well.  I would love another two, and those will happen naturally, but the school year just can't have as many tutoring sessions as the summer can!

We land ourselves at Mom and Dad's dinner table a couple of times a week, and due to Kroger discounts and filling up several cars at once, Mom and Dad buy me a tank of gas once or twice a month, which is helpful! :)

I'm not trying to be naive, but I think I can probably start handling 2 kiddos after this little one's permanency plans are figured out.  However, I will need bunk beds...or a home with more rooms.  I'd love to be able to love on more kiddos, but for right now, I'll love on the ones the Lord gives me!

I'm Learning...

I'm learning to ask for help when I need it.

I'm learning to accept help when it's offered.

(Those are two different things!)

I'm learning to majorly celebrate and appreciate small steps forward.  No matter how small, just the act of moving forward is monumental!

I'm learning it's okay to cry more often.

I'm learning about my own expectations of others, and how they're not always fair.

I'm learning why parents are excited when school is almost out for summer, but they groan a little bit, too.

I'm learning small breaks are important for sanity.

I'm learning that it really is possible to survive on a LOT less sleep.

I'm learning organization is HUGE, and I can learn from others who have walked these steps before me.

I'm learning that some moments are more difficult than English words can describe, but when she reaches for my hand or climbs into my lap, physically showing her trust of me increasing, those tough moments become bearable.

I'm learning the routine she needs.  We all need routine, but each of us need something different.

I'm learning sacrifice is sweet and I don't (usually) mind it.

I'm learning to see the excitement and anxiousness of life through her eyes.

I'm learning I absolutely LOVE being a mommy, and a tiny part of my heart is sad I'm just now becoming one and that it doesn't look a little differently.

Same, but DIfferent

My little one is a precious 5 year old.  She is the same as all young 5 year olds in many ways.

She likes swim lessons, but they make her a little nervous.
She loves green grapes and asks for them all the time.
She always wants input on her clothing options and hairstyle for the day.
She has a tooth-filled grin.
She talks to herself when she plays.
She likes to pull all her toys out at once, but will clean them up when I ask her to.
She wants routine.  She wants to know what's coming next.
She likes cereal for breakfast.
She says, "I want to help!" a lot.  (It makes me smile!)
She needs assurances that she is loved, cared for and safe.
She loves to play at "Donuts" (McDonald's), but when she's tired, she wants to leave now.
She loves to draw and color pictures.
She wants a night light on when she sleeps.

Just like all children are unique, she is unique in many ways, too.

She likes salmon, as long as you don't call it "fish".
She enjoys pink chicken (pork chops).
Cooked spinach and broccoli and "salad" (lettuce) are asked for pretty regularly.
Pink is her favorite color.
She can play for a long time by herself, but she wants me to be nearby.
She has a tender heart, but a pretty tough head.

Questions

Traffic conversations

J: Why you stopped?

A: Because the light is red.

J: You have to stop at a red light?

A: Yes

J: Why you going?
A: Because the light turned green.

J: You can go at a green light?

A: Yes

J: Red means stop?  Green means go?

A: That's right

Repeat every red light or green light or highway driving with no lights.

Another day:

J: Why are THOSE cars GOOOO-ING?  The light is red!

A: Our light is red, honey.  Those cars have a green light.

J: Huh?

A: There are two streets.  The cars on that street can go.  The cars on our street are stopped.

J: Those cars can go?  We have to stop?

A: Yes

J: Why?

A: Because that's how traffic stays safe.

J: Why?

A: Because these cars stop so those cars can go, and then it will be our turn to go.

Repeat several times

J: Our light is red.  Why are you going!?

A: I'm turning right.  It's allowed.

J: Oh, I see an airplane!

A: (Mentally) Whew!

J: Why you not talking to them? (Pointing to people in the cars on either side of us.)

A: They're in their car and we're in our car.  We talk to each other.  They talk to the people in their car.

J: Why?  Why you not talk to them?

A: I don't know them.  We don't talk to people we don't know.

J: Why?

A: Because we need to only talk to people we know.  That's what's safe.

Repeat at every red light

Swim Lesson Conversations

J: Why you not swimming?

A: This is a swim class for kiddos.

J: Why?

A: Because the teachers will teach you how to swim.  You're going to learn lots of fun things.

J: Why?

A: Because swimming is fun!

J: You come in the water pool with me?
A: No, I won't come in the swimming pool with you this time.  I'm going to watch from up there.

J: Why?

A: Because they don't allow the adults down here.  I'll be right up there.  You can see me through the window.

J: Why they don't let people down here?

A: That's their rule.  (Mentally...I think it's a dumb rule, too and I don't understand it either, but I'm not going to tell you that.)

J: Why?

A: They want everyone to be safe.

2 minutes later

J: You come in with me?

A: No, I will watch you.

J: Why you not come in with me?
A: Because this is a lesson for kiddos and you're a kiddo.

J: What's that over there?
A: That's a water aerobics class for adults.  It's exercise.

J: You going to that?
A: No, I'm not going to that.

J: Why?

A: Because I'm not in that class.

J: Why?  

A: Because I'm here with you.

Sleeping

I once had a life where sleeping occurred.
I'm not sure if I'm dreaming, but I think sleep is a word?
Sleep is not currently my friend, nor my little one's it seems.
I'm not sure the problem, though I'm problem solving like a fiend.

Single Parenting

Oh, single parenting.  Y'all.  It's hard!  Like, harder than I thought x 1000.

I remember friends telling me about parenting.  They'd always say, "You don't have even one minute to yourself."  And I believed them.  I mean, I heard it enough, and they were my friends.  Why wouldn't I believe them?  But, at the same time, I couldn't in any way, shape or form imagine a life where I didn't have a moment to myself.  I've lived by myself for the last several years, but I've lived with roommates, too...and I still always had time for myself.

I remember my friend, Mary, saying, "Everything about your life will change when you have a baby."  Her specific example was, "Even the way you brush your teeth will change!"  I laughed because I believed her, and it was a fun anecdote.  And I smile now when everything about life changes.  Because SERIOUSLY, everything about life changes.  Except I couldn't visualize it or in any way comprehend how TIRED I would be when I became a mom.

I knew single parenting would be hard.  But, I've never been married or in a serious relationship to need to look at life from two perspectives or with two sets of helping hands, so parenting was just another thing to do by myself.  I don't mean that to sound laissez faire.  I just mean I'm used to being single, so, while I knew single parenting would be difficult, I didn't have the option of a husband to co-parent with, so I didn't think too much about it, since I couldn't change it.  (Any gentleman that is a God-honoring, single that wants to change that, by all means...feel free! :)

Until I started living and breathing single parenting, though, there was no way for me to know HOW hard it would be.  C lived with me for a week.  And don't get me wrong, it was hard.  Excruciating at times, emotionally.  But I knew fairly early on that it was going to be a short placement, and, in hindsight, that made the single parenting aspect of it easier.  It was also during the school year, so she was in school and I was working.  Normal schedule.

J arrived a week and a half ago.  I'm out for summer, so every day's schedule is a little different.  Coming up with enough activities in the day to keep her occupied, entertained and learning is a CHALLENGE.  She doesn't sleep great at night.  I'm hoping that smooths out as she becomes used to living here.  Tired is becoming normal.

The timing of getting things accomplished is the hardest part.  I mean running to the grocery store or Target.  I'm getting much better at accomplishing these with a little one, but sometimes I have to go get her from VBS or time my tutoring around her activities, and just the actual scheduling of everything, while trying to keep her busy so she doesn't nap so she will (maybe!) sleep through the night, is exhausting!

If you're a married parent and reading this, think about every time you run to the store and leave your spouse with the kids.  Or one is putting the kids to bed, while the other goes to get gas or an oil change.  One takes the kiddo to swim lessons, while you make next week's menu, a corresponding grocery list, do two loads of laundry, and vacuum.  One makes breakfast and grabs a shower while the other wakes up the little one, helps brush teeth, do hair and make the bed, then you and your spouse trade spots so both have time to get ready.  Get the gist?

I don't have that option.

Not only do I not have that option.  Add in the legal element of fostering.  If I do want to grocery shop, clothes shop, get an oil change or run the myriad of other errands, I have to fill out paperwork regarding the short term child care that my parents are providing.  It's not hard.  It's just an extra step.

I have had one full night of sleep in the last 12.  Tonight is the first night I've had an hour to myself, that wasn't packed with MUST DO ALL OF THIS BEFORE I PICK HER UP (and yes, the capitals are necessary, because that is the pressure I feel!)

I'm not complaining.  I love her.  She's learning how to cuddle.  She's learning how to count.  She's learning her ABCs.  She's learning how to bake.  She's learning how to sing silly songs.  She turns her sweet tooth filled grin my way, and I can't help but smile back.

But, it's hard.  And unless you've been a single parent,  you absolutely cannot understand.

I didn't.