Monday, February 09, 2009

Ever regret a prayer?

I've been praying for brokenness lately. Always a scary prayer, but needed nonetheless. I've been praying for it for me personally. I've been praying for brokenness for Paradigm. I've been praying it over the women in my life. I feel the Lord calling me to pray for a desperation. A desperation to lean on Him only. A hunger for Him alone. A thirst for truth: through grace and mercy, holiness and righteousness.

This post's title may be a bit extreme. I don't necessarily regret this particular prayer...but I'm fighting it. I'm praying for brokenness, yet I'm resisting the breaking. I'm resisting it BIG time. And, the Lord is having to get my attention in different ways.

I'm feeling overwhelmed with events. I'm trying to create boundaries. I AM creating boundaries. Then I'm also filling 'my' time with other, non-necessary events. So, I'm shooting myself in the foot.

My health hasn't been great lately. I've been through lots of tests and procedures in the last two months. Right now is a time of waiting. Waiting to know. Waiting to move forward. Waiting to have different results. Waiting for more symptoms. Waiting.

My quiet time, quite honestly, has stunk lately. I'm not making it a priority. Christ is my Savior. He died for me. And I haven't been able to find time to spend with Him, in His letter to me, in conversation with Him.

I struggle with being a mediator. I'm a people pleaser and when people around me aren't pleased, I mediate. I'm not sure how to change that.

I also ere on the side of legalism. We should totally follow every rule given to us...except when I don't feel like it. So, you should always follow the rules when I do feel like it, right?

Ugh, the Lord is breaking me. I'm learning. Can I learn faster, please?

1 comment:

  1. well the good news is that you didn't let the 'be careful what you pray for' attitude pervade your thoughts and you actually prayed for this stuff! I'll be praying for you!