Last year, C arrived the Monday before Mother's Day. She left the day after Mother's Day. A few days later, I wrote this post about my first Mother's Day. To summarize: it was HARD!
I have learned so much about mothering in the last year. I have gained so much insight into the journey of foster care. I still have much to learn, but I am not in the same place I was a year ago.
J came to my home June 12 and left February 14. We celebrated my birthday, Thanksgiving, Christmas and Valentine's Day together. We are not together for Mother's Day and as much as she had already started planning her Frozen birthday party, we won't be together for that either.
Everyone's mother is special to them in a unique way. Whether you have a wonderful relationship or you have a strained one, your relationship is uniquely yours. No one can take it away. J always called her biomom "Mommy". Always. In the last few weeks she was with me, she had begun calling me "Mama". Not all the time, but enough I knew it was purposeful.
I love her with a mother's heart, but she will not be with me this Mother's Day. I hadn't thought much about it until today, but now I'm wondering if I should prepare myself to be a little emotional on Sunday.
My second Mother's Day will be one without a child. And, frankly, that just feels weird.