Since before I moved, I have said I was going to give myself one full school year to learn a new job and then bring home a little girl at the beginning of the summer (ideally) so we could bond over summer break before going back to school together.
Around November, I began to think "I've got this down" and maybe could bring home a little one earlier than summer. Also, the paperwork and process was moving along and I hadn't gotten (I don't think gotten is a word, but I'm using it anyway. Y'all know what I mean.) to the point where I had to put myself on the "Do not call list." I think that point will be hard since I've worked so long to get this far.
Then I had the nastiest parent conference of my career. And I realized maybe waiting til summer is still a good idea.
Things have calmed down since that conference, and again I'd started to think I could handle balancing work and parenting. (I know...all you parents are thinking "You just wait. It's doable. But it's WAY harder than you think." I can comprehend it's going to be harder than I think...but it's still going to happen at some point. Sink or swim, right?)
At the end of November, I thought I was going to have a home study writer in the next week or so. Half way through December, I hadn't heard anything, so I emailed to follow up and found out the EARLIEST I will even be ASSIGNED a home study writer is the end of January. Meaning it might be the end of February or end of March or...well, you get the idea. And just because I'm assigned a writer, doesn't mean they come out johnny on the spot.
Background info: Home Study writers are assigned based on need and availability. If a couple says they will take any gender, any ethnicity, any age, then their home study is *snap* and done. If a couple says they want a Caucasian infant girl, then there's is L. A. S. T. and others that get to the home study point in the process way after them will still get a home study done before they do. Problem is I don't know where a single parent open to any ethnicity 5-10 year old girl lies in that list. Also, I have limited it to ONE girl and there is a drastic need for foster parents willing to take sibling groups. I just don't have the space. (Anyone want to give me a down payment for a house? I'll take you up on it under the condition of you expect nothing in return but silly pictures drawn by little ones and maybe angry frowns or a thrown stuffed animal or two.) Anyway, back to reality. I have a two bedroom apartment. I can take one little girl.
God has done this in the past...to me anyway. Let me amend that. He does it FOR me. I get ahead of myself and I know it. I remember my first year teaching. I was in a new city. Joining a new church. Making new friends. Being a FIRST YEAR TEACHER, people. FIRST YEAR stinks. I had committed to myself and a couple of good girl friends that I was going to give myself a year before committing to anything outside of work. No volunteering. No leadership position. No nothing.
But there was this guy, you see....and it wasn't a demanding leadership position. It wouldn't be hard. It wouldn't be out of the realm of something I could handle. And it was April, so I was ALMOST done with my first year of teaching. (I'm good at justifying. Can you tell?)
Yeah, God put a stop to me volunteering. Boy or not, God knew what was best for me.
That's where I am now. I know the best thing is to wait a full school year. I am learning a new school. I am learning a new school district. I am learning a new team. I AM LEARNING. This isn't comfortable and familiar yet, even when my big head thinks I've got it under control.
So, God has put me somewhere on the list unbeknownst to me. But, I know He won't have a little girl for me until He knows I'm ready.
And, I can trust Him and His timing, not mine.