Saturday, May 11, 2013

Random Mother Thoughts

I will try to post more coherently later.  For right now, I'm going with stream of consciousness and bullet points.

- I have a whole new appreciation for mothers.  Working, SAHM, single, two-parent home...all of them.

- I've always had a good relationship with my mom.  I love her even more now.  I appreciate her even more now.

- Everyone has been SO very helpful.  Thank you!

- I have become a leaky faucet.  I have cried more this week than I have cried in the last 6 months.

-Once she's asleep, she sleeps all night, but it takes about 2 hours from the time we begin bath time,  wind down with stories by herself, brush her teeth, I read two stories to her, sing songs, rub her legs, say prayers, final hugs and butterfly kisses before she goes to sleep.

- She is an EXPERT negotiator.

- My sensitivity radar is on for the word "mom".  It's in books, at school, the dentist assumed I was making an appointment for my daughter, everywhere.  C hasn't said much about it, but my sensitivity radar is on HIGH alert.  Mother's Day many conflicted emotions.  SO MANY CONFLICTED EMOTIONS!

- I think about her throughout the day.  I sleep differently at night, with my door open, so I can hear her if she needs me.  My heart jumps when an email from her teacher arrives.  I cried when I dropped her off for her first day of K at a new school.  She didn't see my tears, but she was so nervous and I left and just...cried.

-My nighttime routine includes getting EVERYTHING ready for the next morning.  Breakfast fruit is peeled, sliced and ready, pan is out for the waffle, plate is on counter ready to hold fruit and waffle, lunch is completely made and in lunchbox in fridge ready to go, clothes are tried on and laid out for her, clothes are out and ready for me.  I have NEVER been a nighttime showerer.  I am now a nighttime showerer.

-I've always been more of an early to bed person on school nights.  I'm now ready for a little bit of me time, but also ready to crash as soon as she falls asleep, so 9:30-10:00 is still about what happens.

- She was almost tardy on Friday.  We had been at school for 30 minutes already, but that included finishing the breakfast that wasn't finished at home, brushing her hair, getting her teacher's Teacher Appreciation gift wrapped and ready and both of us signing the card for the teacher gift.  New appreciation for parents' mornings!

- I am a COMPLETELY different teacher now.  I have always loved my students.  I have grown better over the last 3-4 years at remembering they're little people and not just a "student".  I now try to love them like their mommy loves them.  This has been an absolute and immediate transformation.  I love them SO much more and SO much better than I did before.

-I've thought of a fundraiser concert I watched on television a few years ago.  Faith Hill sang a song, "A Baby Changes Everything."  It's an absolutely gorgeous song that emits so many emotions.  My mind this week has been "Becoming a Mommy Changes Everything".  In C's mind, I'm "Alyssa" and I LOVE it.

But, I'm still filling the role of Mommy and it changes EVERYTHING.

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